Who is Dr Fryer?
Dr Deborah Fryer is a money mindset mentor, spiritual business coach, and creator of the Anatomy of MoneyTM system for holistic wealth and well being. She helps heart-centered entrepreneurs breakthrough subconscious mental, emotional and financial blocks so they can create sustainable, 6- or 7-figure businesses with ease, speed, and confidence (without working harder, feeling guilty, downplaying your success, or selling your soul).
Key Takeaways
1. Tapping has been clinically shown to reduce and even eventually eliminate the pattern of trauma and stress. It has been tested extensively with people who have PTSD. And it has been shown that tapping can cut through these nervous system patterns to create a system that responds with ease with safety with calm, overwhelm and confusion and angst.
2. If you tell your subconscious mind, here are things I'm grateful for, it's going to find more things to be grateful for. And all of a sudden, you will be living in this world that's overflowing with abundance and opportunity.
3. If you really want to change your mindset, if you really want to change your mind, you've got to decide. not to keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results and getting more and more frustrated.
Valuable Free Resource or Action
See the free book at https://deborahfryer.mykajabi.com/turn-on-your-tap
A video version of this podcast is available on YouTube :
Linkedin : https://www.linkedin.com/video/event/urn:li:ugcPost:6937449028682964992/
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Transcript
Note, this was transcribed using a transcription software and may not reflect the exact words used in the podcast)
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
people, money, stressed, realise, create, gratitude, concentric circles, conscious mind, tapping, habitually, detour, deborah, feel, book, mind, body, grateful, constriction, internal, nervous system
SPEAKERS
Stuart Webb, Dr Deborah Fryer
Stuart Webb 00:23
Hi, and welcome back to it's not rocket science five questions over coffee. I'm here today with Deborah fryer PhD. Welcome Dr. fryer to the to the podcast, we're looking forward to a really good conversation. There is a money mindset mentor, a spiritual business coach, and creator of the anatomy of money system for holistic wealth and well being, as he helps heart centred entrepreneurs breakthrough subconscious mental, and emotional and financial blocks so they can create sustainable six or seven figure businesses with easy speed and confidence. So that's really great news. I'm really looking forward to this conversation. Welcome to the podcast. Deborah,
Dr Deborah Fryer 01:03
thanks so much for having me.
Stuart Webb 01:05
Really appreciate your time. So I mean, I've just given you that introduction. And I guess it does, say who you're trying to help, but Who's your ideal client? What is the what is the problem they've got that you're trying to help them to solve?
Dr Deborah Fryer 01:19
People come to me because they want to make more money, or they have really great jobs, they're already making great money, but they're feeling kind of empty inside, they're feeling burned out, they're feeling like they'd really love to quit a corporate job or some job that they're in, that isn't fulfilling them at the soul level, they're making great money, but they're trading their time or our or they're contributing in ways that feel inauthentic or not allowing them to live up to their potential. So there's some rub, there's some way that either you're not making the kind of money that you want to make, and you're feeling very discontent and frustrated and anxious and stressed about it. Or you're making great money. And you're still feeling discontented and frustrated and stressed. So people come to me because they have an issue with money. And what they discover very quickly is that money is a very powerful, pristine, clear mirror that's reflecting back to us. Our relationship with ourselves.
Stuart Webb 02:24
Yeah, it's all about self worth journey. It's all about understanding how you become a friend to what you want to do and how you discover that, isn't it? And I guess that leads me to question which is so what is it you find those people have tried to do prior to meeting you in order to solve some of those problems?
Dr Deborah Fryer 02:45
What I discover that people have tried to do what I myself tried to do for many years until I realised there was another way that's way easier, and way faster, and way more rewarding. What we all try to do is we look out at external conditions for our self worth. We look at the paycheck number one, how much money am I making as if that's a reflection of how worthy I am as if that validates my contribution. And we've often wittingly outsourced our validation to some thing, some person, some experience, some condition that we don't control. And that leaves us feeling very disempowered. Because if you're my boss, and I need you to say, Debra, we're going to pay you, whatever the amount is, you've decided how much I'm worth, not me. And if you say oh, we're not going to give you a raise, then I might misperceive Oh, I guess I don't deserve more. And, and it just gets really twisted. And we do this all the time we project onto other people, I need you to like me, I need you to approve of me, I need you to give me more time or give me more money or give me more respect or pay more attention to me or whatever it is, without realising I could fulfil my needs directly. If I stopped looking out there for validation.
Stuart Webb 04:13
Great message. I love it. I love it. I you know, I know we're going to come on to, to to this, you know, you, you've got a very interesting sort of link that I think we can all go to now and have a look and understand how that how some of what you're saying could be applied to us Can Can you talk us through what it is you've got at this site? And I know, we're going to create a slightly easier link for people to be able to download or get to this link when I put it in the show
Dr Deborah Fryer 04:42
notes. Yeah, so the link that is flashing before you right now is for a free book that I wrote. That's all about understanding the inner terrain of your body because the conscious mind which scientists say controls about 5% of our thoughts or beliefs or habits and which then goes to create, what we feel about something, the emotions we have about it. And the feelings and the emotions that are generated from the thought will lead us to take a particular action. And that particular action because of how we're all wired. Because we all have a negativity bias, those particular actions, which we're conditioned to take, feel like constriction, feel like pressure, feel like tension, feel like I'm going to be in trouble. at the root level, all of us, pick up, absorb, interpret, perceive feedback from our environment, and our environment is what we're born into. And so if people use a particular tone of voice, we assume, Oh, this means I'm lovable, or that means I'm not lovable. If we cry, it might mean, this means they're going to pick me up and love me. Or it might mean, this means they're going to say Go to your room. Right. So we either learned that crying is beneficial, or that crying is punitive. And neither is true. You know, we cry because we're feeling something but we learn we're not allowed to express freely, we learn to express in a very conditional manner. And the result of that is that we, we shut off parts of ourselves. And so I think of it like a GPS. When you get in your car, or wherever you might be walking, when you're going from where you are to where you want to go, you set your GPS, which tells you multiple routes you can take, and you can take the scenic route, you can take the toll road, you can take the fastest route, it's up to you to choose which way you want to go. So you pick the route. And you start on the route, whether you're walking, biking, driving, it matters not you start on the route. And the GPS will tell you, Oh, here's a detour. Here's a place where there's a lot of congestion. And it might be yellow or red on your GPS, you know, I'm talking about this makes sense. You get to the part where it's yellow, or red, and all of a sudden, the traffic is at a standstill where the crowd is packed, and you just cannot move forward. This happens in our bodies, and it happens automatically and unconsciously. And it operates below the level of conscious awareness, which is the mind looking for? How can I fix this? What's wrong with this in the mind is really quick to analyse and, and, you know, figure out what's wrong and compartmentalise and see things as good or bad or right or wrong. But you're feeling an ancient ancient feeling that the mind doesn't vibrate at the same rate as the body. So the conscious mind cannot address this construction. So let's say you're trying to break six figures, you're trying to break seven figures, you've got a money goal, and you're heading for it, your conscious mind says I got the strategy, I got the funnels, I got the automation, I got the digital today that I need, because I think I need all these things in order to get this result. But internally 95% of the rest of you that's not operating from your conscious mind. In other words, the 95% of you that is operating in your body from nervous system, programming and conditioning and grudges, and resentments, and reactions and experiences, and they got mad at me and I shouldn't do that. And nobody in my family ever made that much money, and I grew up in poverty. And when I make this much money, all that stuff is gonna get activated. The minute you think about breaking through to seven figures. And because all that stuff gets activated, it's going to be constriction, and it will show up in very specific places in your body. And that constriction is just like a traffic jam. So you're on your way from here to here. But all of a sudden, you can't get there because there's so much constriction. And so what tapping does is it magically dissolves those nervous system patterns that are encoded, that are automatic and unconscious. We don't even know where it came from. All of a sudden, we just feel in our solar plexus. We feel it in the throat, or we feel it in the heart, right? We just feel this clamping down of No, no, no, you're not going to get through you cannot do that. And tapping has been clinically shown to reduce and even eventually eliminate the pattern of trauma and stress. It has been tested extensively with people who have PTSD. And it has been shown that tapping can cut through these nervous system patterns to create a system that responds with ease with safety with calm, overwhelm and confusion and angst.
Stuart Webb 10:07
I've said it so many times to people that I've spoken to if if only the world and most of the people in the world realised that stress was entirely self induced, we would we would start to break through so much quicker and so many ways. We just don't get that we don't we believe that it's come from outside. We believe it's this, we believe, is that, because I thought so trying to sort of work out? Well, it must be that it can't possibly be internal, because we don't understand the internal anatomy to
Dr Deborah Fryer 10:34
it. Yeah, we're so looking out there, right? Like, oh, it's, I'm stressed because the economy this or I'm stressed, because my boss wouldn't give me a raise, or I'm stressed because my husband, whatever, right? We're so looking out there and blaming things out there. Because it's way easier than to look in here and realise, oh, I created that. Why did I create that for myself?
Stuart Webb 10:57
And it's painful, those limiting beliefs, isn't it? You know, I can't possibly do that. Because, right? It's not, it's got nothing to do with the fact that when I was small, my mom used to say to me, well, that's not something we do around here. Without ever, it's certainly not that it's got to be the fact that the marketing funnel just isn't working today, we've got to get that right. And then it will be fine. Right? I, you know, I, I often, I often do get into these discussions, I had one business owner the other day, and he was just saying, you know, I just need to get more sales. And I just need a marketing manager to do that. And I looked at him and went, are you sure that's the only problem around here and it was going well, I can't think of anything else it could be. And I thought it could actually be you. But I'm not gonna get into that today, we're gonna deal with that on another day. So we have to start looking sort of, in concentric circles, starting with ourselves around us, don't we
Dr Deborah Fryer 11:48
totally, I love that concentric circle. idea, because it really applies to the body. Out at the external, people perceive me a particular way. And so I feel like, I need to fill in the blank. I need to dye my hair, I don't dye my hair. But if I, you know, if I were responding to, I don't want people to think I'm XYZ, I might choose that I need to wear makeup, I need to weigh a certain amount, I need to look a certain way. Right? Because of what they're gonna think of me. And I've given my energy and my attention to what they're gonna think of me. Okay, then the next. So that's, that's like an external layer, right? It's how do people see me? And then do people see like this? Or do they see the energy coming from me? And if they're seeing the energy coming from me, what does that look like? What does that feel like? How does that flow through me. And that's really what this work is about, that I'm doing with my clients is to is to help them go directly or in a more efficient and joyful and pleasurable way from where they are to where they want to go. And, you know, we take the detour, because there's something there that we need to say, we take the detour into self loathing, or self judgement, or self criticism, or self harm, or self abuse. Notice all these words, start with self. Because we're taking these detours into parts of ourselves. We're, we're bumping into our own conditioning, which is part of me, right, you and I have very different circumstances. But I know from having worked with 1000s of people, that our nervous systems all respond in the same way. And they respond by setting off an alarm saying Danger, danger. Don't do that. Don't do that. Who do you think you are, and there's going to be constriction, and we're all doing the same work. I mean, part of what I think creates so much stress and suffering and anxiety and frustration for people is this belief of, I'm the only one who fill in the blank. And I know that I used to feel like a special snowflake. I'm the only one who, you know, you just don't get me. I'm the only one who and I needed to make myself worse off than everybody else. Which is crazy. But we do that when we're living in a place of self denial. Because we want attention.
Stuart Webb 14:22
Yeah, yeah. Brilliant. It's
Dr Deborah Fryer 14:25
really about going deep, deep, deep into the core. Me. It's not about all it's all like concentric circles.
Stuart Webb 14:30
It is it is absolutely. I love it. I love it. So yeah, I mean, you've obviously talked a little bit about your book. Are there other books or programmes that you have? you've explored that you think would be a value to talking to the audience about at the moment?
Dr Deborah Fryer 14:45
Yes. So turn your tap is a book that's about literally changing your brain changing the way that you habitually think so that those habitual thought patterns no longer run and when they don't want to run? That's normal. or the route that you take. I also have a course that's called gratitude rocks. And gratitude rocks is a super simple course, about the stability, of gratitude. And I call it a gratitude rocks because it rocks like, it's awesome. But also because rocks are, it's like, you know, they say put in the big rocks first, having a gratitude practice, it is the simplest practice, and it is the most powerful life changing practice. And it's really simple. So I mean, I can tell you right now what it is. And for people who want to have a guided version of it, there's a course that's 28 days, where every day you get a daily dose of gratitude, and a little video and a little prompt, so that you can journal about it, the high level of view is that when we're grateful, we open to receiving. And as Rumi says, Your task is not to seek love, but all the barriers you've put up against it. The same is true for your task is not to seek money, but all the barriers you have against it. Your task is not to seek the perfect relationship, but all the barriers you have against it, your task is not perfect health, but all the barriers you have against it. It's really about that deep internal work of I allow myself to be this to, to have this. So a daily gratitude practice my daily gratitude practice, the simplest form is every night, as I'm cycling down from beta into alpha, into theta and delta to sleep is I asked myself, What am I grateful for every night. And I simply say, as many things as popped to mind as I'm grateful for. And Thomas Edison said, something like never go to sleep without seeding your subconscious mind. Because your subconscious mind will go to work and find more of whatever you tell it to focus on. Your subconscious mind has like a golden retriever, you throw a tennis ball, it's kind of run after it and bring it back to you and be like, hey, look what I got for you. So if you tell your subconscious mind, here are things I'm grateful for, it's gonna go find more things to be grateful for. And all of a sudden, you're gonna be living in this world that's overflowing with abundance and opportunity and, and things to appreciate what we appreciate, appreciate. So I always do my gratitudes right before I'm falling asleep. And I also do them first thing in the morning before I get out of bed, so that I made a gratitude sandwich, when I'm sleeping all through the night, I'm in gratitude, and then all through the day, and then a gratitude sandwich. So that's an awesome way to increase your prosperity, and really increase the abundance throughout all areas of your life. I wrote another book that's called Best brain hacks, which is 108 ways to uplevel your brain and to create more pleasure, more spaciousness, more joy, and all of the 108 ways are not thinking ways. They're all about ways to access, your blue, your, the wholeness of who you are, through your senses. So there are meditations that involve sound, and smell and taste and touch. And there are a lot of creative play exercises in there. Because we all take ourselves so seriously. You know, come on, lighten up. And you know, I wrote this book for myself, first of all, because I was, you know, so heavy and so serious. And I thought, like, work was hard, and you got to struggle, and you got to suffer. And I didn't want that. So I wrote that book, you know, as, as medicine for myself, that it's okay for you to have fun. It's okay, if you love your life and love your body.
Stuart Webb 18:44
Not. I'd like to give to many, many, many people. I can think of several people who need to take that book.
Dr Deborah Fryer 18:51
Yeah. And then I have a course that's also an evergreen course. That's called 40 days to rewrite your money story. And it's like the tip of the iceberg. It's like a little fingernail clipping of the whole human form, that it's just like a toe in the water of what's actually going on in the internal anatomy. So, there are a lot of tapping scripts in there. There's some visualisations, there's some meditations to help you begin to identify where are the places in my body, where I habitually shut down where I habitually say, Oh, the road is closed. You can't go here. And you'll begin to see, oh, I habitually say, I don't know, I habitually say, I can't have that. I habitually say, I never have enough. And for a lot of people, this is brand new information and it's really mind blowing, because they don't realise how loudly their body is talking to them.
Stuart Webb 19:48
Good stuff. Isn't we've had a fascinating insight into some of your work, but there must be a question that you're currently thinking. He hasn't asked me about or I wish he'd asked me this question. So Here's my opportunity to allow you to tell me the question that I should have asked you. And then obviously, you have to answer it. Otherwise, we'll all be spending the rest of our time thinking, I wonder what the answer to the question is. So there were what is the question that you would like me to have asked you?
Dr Deborah Fryer 20:15
Well, I think the questions you've asked are really great, really spot on their deep questions. The number one question I get from people, is, how do I change my mind? Every day, I get this multiple times a day, I'm so in scarcity, I'm so in fear, I don't have this. Look, people are so oriented to lack. And it's very hard, if you're oriented to lack to see anything about lack, it's so hard, it's like you're wearing glasses, and the prescription The glasses are ground, to see in perfect focus, lack, and so everything you look at his lack. And so, you know, if you really want to change your mindset, if you really want to change your mind, you've got to decide. And I know this might sound simplistic, but we bang our heads against the wall, we keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results and getting more and more frustrated or getting deeper into debt or keep having the same relationship over and over again, and we keep getting rid of one and the new one comes in and they're a same version of that one. And the same problem arises and we get rid of that one, and another one comes in, it's like, we're on this rubber stamp of the same, the same, the same, the same, because the internal terrain is the mould in our terrain is the mould and you're gonna have to change the inner terrain, you know, back to the concentric circle thing. You cannot change at the X at the outermost part of you, that's like, Oh, I got my funnel, or I got my copywriting or I got my sales letter or whatever the thing is, that's some external thing. But where did that come from? It came from in you, you're the one who had the idea, you are the one who had the dream, you were the one who created the content. So you've got to go to the innermost core of those concentric circles. It's like peeling an onion, you keep peeling, and peeling and peeling and peeling and peeling, and you're gonna cry, every layer, you peel away, and the more layers you peel, the more you're gonna cry, and eventually, you're gonna get to the very middle. That's where you have to come from. And when you get to the very core of you, and you discover who the core of you is, your entire identity is going to change.
Stuart Webb 22:33
I love it. I absolutely love it. Deborah, this has been a really fascinating discussion. And I really appreciate you spending a little time with us today. Thank you so much for bringing those insights, we will get a slightly easier to to read link than the one that's currently on screen. We will do that in the show notes. So come on that but in the meantime, if you would like to be able to get on the mailing list, and so that you could join us now for great speakers like dot fri here today. This is the link you need to go to it's just as simple as TCA dot FYI, forward slash subscribe, that's DCA dot FYI, forward slash subscribe that puts you on the mailing list. I'll make sure you get an email once a week, which has who's coming up what they're going to talk about why you need to be listening to these people. And you'll also get access as well to the podcast when this comes out. Deborah, thank you so much for being on the call. I really appreciate you spending some time with us. And thank you so much for bringing some of your wisdom about making your your limitations, the thing that you can actually break through without looking around and seeing that it's outside of your control. Things are so much I do worry about people who look around and say I can't control anything you think actually, you can control everything. If you can just control your thinking you can just control your reaction to it. Great to have you talk about that. I really do appreciate it. Thank you so much indeed. Thank you
Dr Deborah Fryer 23:59
so much for inviting me on.
Stuart Webb 24:01
That's no problem.
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