Who is Debbie?
Julie runs an accounting company helping businesses grow through acquisition with confidence, credibility and calculated risk
Key Takeaways
The importance of clarity in business. 3:35
The power of asking for help. 6:10
The value of learning from bad experiences. 9:34
Leadership and body embodiment. 13:15
We all stand on the shoulders of giants. 16:04
Connect with yourself when you’re at your best. 19:16
What’s the question I should have asked you. 22:27
Valuable Free Resource or Action
www.wilkinsonaccountingsolutions.co.uk
A video version of this podcast is available on YouTube :
https://youtube.com/live/QAI98x2ONMo
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Transcript
Note, this was transcribed using a transcription software and may not reflect the exact words used in the podcast)
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
people, debbie, working, leadership, coaching, invite, question, problems, telephone call, podcast, life, feel, deep breath, bit, connect, email, humour, conversation, absolutely, book
SPEAKERS
Stuart Webb, Debbie Moore
Stuart Webb 00:21
Hi, and welcome back to five questions over coffee. I'm delighted to have with me now Debbie Moore. Debbie runs the high achievers coaching company. And she is she's got some great coaching advice, I think for real, really high performing teams, high performing companies. So I'm really looking forward to this conversation. Debbie, welcome to questions over coffee.
Debbie Moore 00:51
Thank you so much.
Stuart Webb 00:55
Just put my water down here. Because if I drink any more tea or coffee today, I'll probably not sleep for the rest of the month. And there's not much left in this month. So Debbie, tell me, what is it you do with your clients? Who are your clients? What are they? One of the problems? They've got the you're trying to help them to solve?
Debbie Moore 01:15
Okay, great question, Stuart. Thank you. So I think first of all, I've kind of gone through what I would call my a bit of an r&d phase last year, and I'm just getting clearer and clearer and clearer, who I'm here to serve. Now the problems that I'm here to solve. And the people that I am predominantly working with now are who are classes, young professionals, so young professionals, leaders, entrepreneurs, and when I say young, they're typically in their 30s, although that might vary a little bit anyway, they're younger than me. And the problems, the challenges that I hear, that they are particularly faced with the stories that I keep hearing are, that they feel they're living a life that somebody else envisaged for them. Meaning the times that we grew up in, and I'll kind of put you in the same kind of age group, as me, if you don't mind, is different to what that younger generation is experiencing, socially, politically, economically across the board technologically. And they find that they're working in some structures and with some principles that are not working for them. So they're feeling out of alignment, and they're feeling stuck. And it's resulting sometimes in exhaustion in sometimes a lack of motivation. And it's feeling quite UK. That's they're the stories that I often hear sometimes, if they're working in teams, despite their best efforts, they might not be able to communicate effectively with their teams. And then there's this frustration that sets in. And then they're wondering, why isn't this working? Now? Is it me? Is it my leadership, so it's then inward self blaming, which doesn't help either. And sometimes wisdom, other people that I'm working with, they do have a high aspiration to work in an aligned authentic and a healthy way where their life feels that it has more meaning. They just often don't know how to get there.
Stuart Webb 03:35
Debbie, I love the fact that you've got that clarity is so critical. Well to any business owner to have the absolute clarity of what is the problem that they have the solution for and having that absolute clarity, I think is really helped you to articulate that fantastically well. And if I can say, you have got, you know, a wonderful target audience there because you're so right, there are so many younger people who just are striving to do their best but but but you know, the pressure of social media and the pressure that people feel they have to show performance, etc. You're right. There are so many things at the moment which are which are besetting them. And I think it's great that you have got that focus and you are you are targeting that particular audience. I love that. Absolutely. Love it.
Debbie Moore 04:29
Thank you. I appreciate that. And there's one more thing actually that I didn't mention some smoothies people that they are incredibly successful in their own right things look like they're great on the outside, but on the inside, it's not and it can be a crisis of confidence, a lack of self confidence and that authentic confidence as well. Just wanted to name and presents that.
Stuart Webb 04:51
Yeah, and I think there's this there's a tremendous there's a tremendous, I do some work with with some with ship students and The thing which worries me so much about some of those students as they're coming out of it, and they feel the need to somehow demonstrate self esteem by putting on a sort of cloak, and they don't have what I would describe as their own self worth, they don't know. You know, they, they, I often describe it as a self esteem is where they, they walk down the street, and they want to know that they're allowed to walk down the street. So they put a mask on. But if they had true self worth, they wouldn't care whether or not they had to walk down the street, they just know the right street, to be honest, so few of them, I've got the clarity to say, I should be here. And I know that I'm doing the right thing. And, you know, they do need the help of people, aren't you? And I guess that brings me to question two, which is, what is it that you found that they've been doing which may or may not have helped them to get to where they need to be? And how do you help them to break through some of those, those barriers?
Debbie Moore 05:54
So what, before I respond to that studio, so just want to acknowledge that what you named and the insights you're having, and it just, it just makes me feel so sad that because that's what people are doing, you know, that they're putting on a mask putting on a face? And you don't have to do that. So thank you for naming that. So what I'm what I'm discovering is, I think, first and foremost, that, that people often think it's a weakness to ask for help and support, because that means being powerfully vulnerable. And people have not always yet discovered the power of being vulnerable and saying, you know, what, I don't know, can you help me? And sometimes, that's about who they ask, and feel. They're not always confident, or Sure, for example, in some workplaces, in some instance, situations, it might even be, you know, going to a networking event that they can actually speak up and say, you know, this is me, I'm not quite sure. But I'm, I'm trying to learn and I wonder who can you know, who can help me. And they often think it's the old Henry Ford quote, you know, if you, if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. And I know it's a well used your well use quote, but it's so true, because often what we're trying to do, is sought out those problems that we're experiencing from our beautiful logical thinking brain, but we're going round and round and round the same circle. And the other thing that I noticed is, by their very nature, we don't necessarily see our own patterns, we don't see our own limiting beliefs necessarily. And we certainly by their very nature, don't see our own blind spots. So that then leads to all sorts of challenges. And what often happens then is somebody might think, well, it's my job, my job is not working for me or my business is not working for me, like similar, or even my relationships not working for me. And they might suddenly summon up the courage to leave and think the right thing to do with start again. And then heaven forbid, what happens is the same patterns the same the same circumstances, but it's just in a different setting. And that that just breaks my heart. So what I find is that without the right help, and whether that's me or whether that's somebody else, but without the right help, people often don't have a clear, aligned authentic intention. That's then expanded not just through our thinking brain, but through our through our senses. So what it feels like to be moving towards that place, what it might look like, what it ignites smell like or sound like or tastes like, and having somebody along their side to sponsor them to support them to help them move into a growth mindset when challenges arise, because Surprise, surprise, they do. And it's also there's a couple of other things here. It's also about taking, really having somebody with you so that you can take aligned action and be held accountable. And I don't mean having a big sticker or anything like that. What I mean is that sense of okay, you took that loot, you took that action, you did something differently. So what worked about that, what didn't might you do differently next time. So it's one of my teachers, Dr. Clay Samet says, you know, let's composted and learn from it and then move forward.
Stuart Webb 09:34
I love that expression. I love that expression. I might borrow that sounds okay. I think he's lovely.
Debbie Moore 09:40
You're welcome.
Stuart Webb 09:42
I think that's a lovely expression, because you're right. And I love the reason that you put behind that because so often, these experiences that people have, they think they they're, they're bad and they need to be forgotten, but actually, it's the learning from it and taking the you know, changing them mindset and looking at it and going well, you know, that might not have worked the way I wanted. But if I did something else, or if I took from that this learning that I know, I won't do that, again, that's a positive and we don't do that enough, do we, we don't take the, and try and change the bad and the negative into something that we can use to become a positive spring forward.
Debbie Moore 10:20
Yeah, absolutely. And, and I think, I think the other thing is with that, when something happens, we often try and push it away. And when we try and push it away, it just gives it more energy. So that in itself needs and again, I'm gonna, I'm gonna quote, the dots close, dammit here. It needs sponsoring, it needs witnessing in in a in an appropriate way, so that we can composite that and help that be part of his moving forward. And that's really important.
Stuart Webb 10:51
Absolutely love it. Debbie, we've we've come to the part of the show where I now ask you to give us some valuable free resource valuable free advice that we can start to move forward from and I know you have a link that it would be worth making a note of which is HTTPS, colon forward slash slash, Debbie more and that's D, B, B, i e, more ammo or e coaching.com. Forward slash organisation? Debbie, tell us about that link. And what what the valuable offer is that you have going behind that link?
Debbie Moore 11:25
So thanks, thank you for that, Stuart, I appreciate it. So behind that link, there is an opportunity to connect with me for one on one if what I'm saying resonates with you for a one on one kind of 20 minute exploratory discussion so that we can just do a bit of laser coaching on where you are in your life right now. And there's also just to be totally transparent, an invitation to potentially be considered to join us in May where I'm going to show you running a new group coaching programme, it will be a small group of people learning together from one another's experiences called revolutionise your life. And we can have an exploratory chat about that, if you'd like to do so if you don't, and it's not sometimes it's not resonant working with me, I have a cohort of people who are referred people to and that might be a suitable, you know, possibility, or just the conversation might be enough. Whatever works for you,
Stuart Webb 12:26
Toby, I love that. I love the fact that, you know, you you acknowledge and we all need to acknowledge that sometimes the synergy isn't there. And that's, that's not a problem. There is no, there is no expectation that sort of, you know, taking up an offer like that is going to be calm. Right now there's the hard sell. This is an exploratory conversation, this is an offer. And and I love the fact that you will termina go Do you know, there's somebody else who perhaps you would get on better with, let's have a conversation about how I can introduce you to them. And I think that's really valuable.
Debbie Moore 12:58
Thank you. That's really important. Yeah, absolutely.
Stuart Webb 13:01
Is there a particular book or, or course or something, which, which enabled you to sort of unlock some of this coaching advice and, and would be a valuable resource for people to, to take on themselves?
Debbie Moore 13:15
That there is to us and within that, as well, if I may, and if you'll humour me today, I'd just like to offer a little experiment while we're while we're on the call. So I'll just talk to to your question directly, first of all, and then maybe offer something that might help people here today. So there are there are, there are 333 women actually, and and within that, some publications that might help people. So three women have inspired have inspired me and moms very many, many, and I do stand on the shoulders of giants. On is my leadership and body, embodiment somatic coach, teacher when department who God rest her soul, she actually passed in December. She actually taught me I really want to present her today because she actually taught me I have got a body as well as a head because growing up as I did, I kind of was disconnected and that's the other experience that I see with my clients today. We get disconnected from our our heads and our bodies. And I'll come back to that with a little exercise in a moment. And you can find when this work online and there is a book called Leadership embodiment, it's a valuable resource. My my teacher who I've been with now since 2013, Dr. Claire Samet is the founder of the Institute for Women centred coaching, leadership and training. And her work is all around her PhD research into the power blocks for women, which she's researched. into shame, like an isolation and how our limiting beliefs keep us stuck. And her work is absolutely game changing. And Claire is, is absolutely a high recommendation. And then the other one is, and it's a book series that I'm part of just to be transparent about this, and the inspirational leader behind that, because they are looking at and it's called the Payette, forward series notes for my younger self. And it's this there are four volumes now. And there are stories in there that are real life stories from women and men, about seminal moments in their life when they write back to their younger selves with the wisdom and the experience that they've gained where they are in their adult life right now. And that kind of brings me almost full circle to why I'm here today and doing what I'm doing. And it is about bringing that wisdom that I've learned from the shoulders of giants to try and help people today.
Stuart Webb 16:04
We we all stand on the shoulders of giants, don't we don't think we really do.
Debbie Moore 16:08
Yeah, so absolutely. So if you'll indulge me, if anybody wants to play along with this so. So we often what I want to speak to here is how we get triggered in a typically unconsciously. Now, some people listening to this may have done work in martial arts. So this may, this may just humour me and go along with this. So what I want to invite people to do, and you have to play along with this Stuart as well is if it's safe and comfortable to do so. So please make sure you're not driving or looking after young children are operating heavy machinery if it's safe and comfortable to do. So I just want to invite you to think about something that kind of happened today, low level, not a big unprocessed emotion, low level that's happened today or yesterday, that kind of triggered a reaction in your body might be an email coming in and you think ah, I should have answered that. Or it might be the telephone ringing and it's somebody who you don't want to talk to or you might be doing a talk. Or you might be at a meeting. And you notice that somebody suddenly falling asleep or yawning or looking away or rolling their eyes just something like that low level.
Stuart Webb 17:27
Okay. Mind a telephone call I didn't want to make.
Debbie Moore 17:31
Okay. Okay, so I want to invite you now to think about where is your attention, as you think about that. And you don't have to share it with me, but often are retail you can if you want often our attention then is on the stressor. It's on the telephone, it's on the call, it's on the screen where the emails come in. It's if you if you're in a meeting, it's it's on that person who might have your own doors, rolling their eyes. And all of a sudden, we start to run stories in our mind, I should have done that. I don't want to do this. So everybody must be bored because that person's rolling their eyes. And our our concentration then gets narrower and narrower and narrower. Yeah. So and then
Stuart Webb 18:16
I'm gonna have to agree with you every minute. Thank you knew I had to make that call. All I could think of was the reaction I was gonna get and what he was going to say and how I didn't want to have that discussion. And and suddenly, all I could think about was, Do I have to pick the phone up at all?
Debbie Moore 18:33
Yeah, so all of a sudden, whatever your intentions were for that day, it's gone out of the window, all your attention to that. And I just and thank you for for sharing that story because it just normalises this happens to us. And then I also want to invite you just to notice anything that you might feel in your body. So for example, any muscle groups that might tense Yeah. Yeah, so just noticing that just very gently from place of curiosity and wonder. Okay, so now I just want to just notice in all of that, so now I want to invite just to shake all that off, and I'm doing it with you just shake it all off that sort of right. So okay. Just Yeah, that's better. Okay. So now once we invite you to just make a shift, and you see, or if you're standing or if you're walking, and just think about you when you're at your best. And it might be for example, when you're cheering these these causes podcasts call Stuart, or it might be somebody who is out just having a walk and connecting with nature. Or it might be when you listen to music, it might be in your work. It might be when you're playing with your children, whatever. Just Just connect with you when you're at your best. And as you do that just seemed like to take a deep breath and as if you were breathing all the way down into your hips, down through your legs or the soles of your feet. Okay? Connecting with the earth. And just see if you need to make any minor adjustments, even 10% more. What would it be like even if I connect with myself even 10% More, and just taking a deep breath. And for some of us, we might actually want to do either Wonderwoman or Superman pose currently what Superman does, but no wonder woman goes like that and just lifts her head up a little bit and just have your chin just tilted up a little bit. And now take a deep breath. Once you do that, as you connect to you at your best, just feel the space as if the space and you've been supported from behind. And now, just in lighting to put up retention kind of out there a little bit on the horizon. Not too far, not too close. Now, I invite you to think about that telephone call? Or that email coming in? Or that person who's rolled their eyes in the meeting? And I wouldn't
Stuart Webb 21:06
think about it, you feel so much less worried about it.
Debbie Moore 21:10
And when you feel in less worried about it, what options does that give you? Oh,
Stuart Webb 21:16
what a good question. I can I can choose not to be angry when they make the comment I know they're gonna make because why do I need to be angry?
Debbie Moore 21:28
And what I'm hearing you say there, it gives you choice. It actually gives you choice about how to respond. And actually yeah, that person might be angry. And that might be legitimate. But that then might inform your response that might then take the conversation in a totally different direction to the direction it would have gone. So I just invite sorry, gone.
Stuart Webb 21:53
No, no, I'm just taking a lovely deep breath, Debbie.
Debbie Moore 21:57
You're welcome to do so. Is your podcast after all. So I just didn't like people. If that resonates for you just play with that and practice. It's just ah, and just getting to this place of I wonder what might that be how I respond to that telephone, call that email or event just expand a little and look beyond that person who's rolling their eyes. I wonder what my next step might be from there. So what
Stuart Webb 22:27
a lovely exercise. Thank you. Brilliant, brilliant exercise, I almost hate to ask you the question that I've got in my mind now, because it'll break the spell, but I'm gonna do it because that's the format of the coffee of the five questions over coffee. And my fifth question is, there is a question that I should have asked you by now. And I haven't. So what's the question? Please don't let it be. What is the email that what is the telephone call that I should have responded I had to make? Because that would be very cool. What is the question I should have asked you at this stage, which you are wanting me to ask. And then once you've, you've asked the question, then obviously you need to answer it for us.
Debbie Moore 23:07
Okay, so I'm not cruel. So I won't ask you that question. What I would do I'd get, I'd get really curious. And I'd challenge me and I would say, Okay, do you want your talk? And if you do what you talk, then what's the help and support? Or what's what's inspiring you to get to the next level in your life right now? Because like everybody else, I'm on my, I'm on my own growth edge. And my answer to that would be two things. One is this I'm in, in part of a leadership mastermind group with a global with some incredible global leaders, Athena leadership mastermind to try and raise my own level and my own contribution, my own thinking. And the other thing. Someone last week, introduced me to a woman, a woman's work, who I'd never ever heard of before. Until that time, Dr. Edith Eger, and Dr. Edith is 93 years old. She'd been in outfits, and she is incredible. Listening to her on the podcast, she has two books, the first one she wrote in 2017. And she put a publish another one three years ago at the age of 90, the choice and the gift. And both of those I've ordered, because I'm constantly up levelling, I'm a lifelong learner, and actually kind of share one more, please do the book that I'm reading right now is called the people part by Annie Hyman, what? And the hymens and the Hammonds what talks to as moving into this place of self leadership, rather than self protection and the benefit of that for people and organisations
Stuart Webb 25:01
I love I love that. And I will be I will be looking into certainly two of those books because they sound absolutely incredible. One of the reasons I should be looking into one of them is that I spent a day. And I expect in November of 2022, and it is a trip, I believe everybody should take. Because you learn a lot about yourself by looking at the that picture and whether or not you could choose to take away from that a positive or negative experience. If you can choose to take a positive from that, then you have achieved more or less things, Debbie, I'm going to thank you so much for spending those few minutes with us, and for taking us through that lovely exercise. And I do hope people, when they hear the replay of this, spend a few minutes thinking about making those choices, when you get that phone call, or when you have to make that phone call when you get that email or indeed, when you get bad news or whatever. Take the moment to just centre yourself and do the exercise to choose how to respond because that choice is so important to us. And thank you so much for sharing it.
Debbie Moore 26:12
See that. And thank you very much for your time today and having me on the podcast. I've really enjoyed it. Thank you so much.
Stuart Webb 26:18
It's no problem. Listen, I'm just going to say one thing, if you would like to get onto our mailing list so that you can get on and hear when the these are being done live and join us and watching participate in those discussions that we've just had. Go to the link at the bottom of the page, TCA dot FYI, that's TTA dot F where forward slash subscribe that just comes through to me, I put you on the mailing list, and I send you an email most Tuesday mornings with the who's on the podcast interview live this week. Debbie, thank you so much. I'm looking forward to seeing how your mastermind group that you're putting together in May goes. I sincerely hope that people will take advantage of coming back to you about that because I think it'd be a brilliant opportunity.
Debbie Moore 27:06
Thank you so much to do it. And thank you for having me on for my very very first podcast on live.
Stuart Webb 27:12
It's been a pleasure to be thank you so much. Thank you Stu out see you again soon. Bye bye
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